** Fast Food Fetish **

Background: Originally published August 25, 2004. I'm placing asterisks next to the title, because I would say this is one of my best all-time five columns that I've written over the years. I make that statement, based on the people who stopped me in public and told me how much they liked the column, and/or how much it made them laugh.

     "So Monte, did you go to In & Out or Del Taco while you were in Redding?"
     I had just returned from a business trip to California when a co-worker of mine asked me that question. Considering all of the sights that there are to see in the golden state, I didn't give it a second thought when I replied, "No."
     "Are you serious?" was the quick response, this time a sense of urgency sounded in my co-worker's voice. Perhaps he was joking around with me.
     This time, I turned to face him when I said, "No, are you kidding me? When there are places like Jack's Grill in Redding to visit instead?"
     There. That should put to rest any more questions about In & Out or Del Taco.
     Another co-worker from California who had overheard our conversation suddenly chimed in, "Man, In & Out is the first place I drive into when I go to California."
     Now I was on the defensive. What was I missing out on? I like to be hip. I want to be cool. The last thing I want is for my co-workers to think I'm a dull person. I had gone to WaterWorks Park in Redding. Didn't that make complete for being a hip guy?
     Perish the thought that I would miss buying a franchise hamburger or taco that I couldn't get here in Oregon. I began to feel like I had visited Anaheim, California without stopping to tour Disneyland. I would have to re-evaluate my itinerary the next time I made a business trip to California.
     I began to think of my brother-in-law from southern California who always visited Taco Time when he came to Oregon. There were no Taco Times where he lived, so he always made a beeline for one whenever he came up this way.
     Oregon has Taco Time. California has Del Taco. I guess the grass is always greener in some other state, when you're a fast food fanatic who misses what the other person has.
     However, I had to think my brother-in-law and two co-workers from California were unique. Surely I was normal in not having a burning desire to stop at some taco stand not found in my own backyard? I didn't give our conversation any more thought.
     Until last week. I was shopping at Sherm's Thunderbird Market in Roseburg. While I was in the check-out line, I overheard the checker giving instructions to the person in line ahead of me.
     "Go left on Cypress, left on Hilltop, then right on Dana," said the checker, as she was apparently scribbling a make-shift map for the customer.
     My mind went into fast-motion: "Cypress Avenue. Wait a minute. Aside from Oakland, Oregon, Redding, California is one of the few places with a Cypress Avenue. Up Hilltop, right on Dana...I had just been to Redding...why, she must be giving directions to...."
     "Mount Shasta Mall," I blurted out as the checker turned toward me and smiled. Then I saw the T-shirt that was customer was wearing. A turquoise blue with a black arch logo on the front. I recognized the logo on the T-shirt. It was In & Out Burger.
     A shudder went up my spine. Surely the checker wasn't giving directions to....In & Out Burger....??..!!..??
     But, yes she was! The checker at Sherm's had recently moved up here from Redding, California. She was giving directions to the customer for an In & Out restaurant that was located in Redding, 250 miles away!
     I give up. I've reconciled myself in realizing that I AM missing out on something. The next time I'm in Redding, I'm not gong to have a New York steak at Jack's Grill, but instead a burger at In & Out. I'll no longer be ostracized by my co-workers. And, my employer will likely be pleased that my meal expense budget has gone down in price.